Guidance..

..required.
As usual for me, I feel like I've hit a block in my training. I feel like I need some guidance, I don't know if I really do, just feel that way. I go so far and then start to doubt what I'm doing and once that sets in I'm rubbish at dealing with it. Comme D'habitude!!
What it comes down to is going it alone, it's hard. How I envy those that have trainers, or just educated eyes on the ground. Remy's doing ok, but I need regular affirmation that what I'm doing is correct or suggestions for things I need to do to stay on the correct path.
I should be brave enough to post my work on the forums for advice, but I'm not.
I miss lessons and I miss clinics.  I miss words of encouragement from the side of the school and friendly debate over lunch.
I have my horses at home, a great school to ride in, I'm surrounded by beautiful countryside with miles and miles of tracks to hack out on, there shouldn't be any negatives, but ( and I'm ashamed to say it) unfortunately there are.

Rambling

It's been a busy few days horsewise with turning out, mucking out, bringing in, holding for the dentist ( all very well behaved!!), holding for the farrier, turning out...... you get the picture.

But no groundwork or riding.

Well the only excuse I can give is that Jim is away and I've been busy ( I really do take him for granted ) and the weather has been pretty glum.

I've been thinking a lot though about the complexities of riding and I realise that the more I've learned, the more I need to learn . Occasionally I get those wonderful moments when it all clicks into place, but it can be frustrating and quite confusing. I wish I could have reached this point of awareness 20 years ago! Although then, I was too busy jumping, hunting and chasing about cross country thinking I was doing ok , wasn't open to all the knowledge that I now know is available to me.

So I've read a lot of the books ( my friend and I have a running joke that we've read the book so obviously we're experts, of course we deal with horses every day so we do know that we're not), watched dvd's taken in the information (tried to understand it) and tried to put it into practice.

It is so addictive. The craving to learn more, to utilise the knowledge,to just be a better rider/horsewoman is so compelling.

I get so doubtful of my own ability, I don't know if I'm a good, bad or indifferent rider ( I have to be honest, it's the riding that does it for me, some people just like having horses around, or prefer the groundwork, or are into body language and behaviour (all of which I have great interest in), but for me, if I couldn't ride, I think it might be too painful to keep horses. Like having the most beautiful paintings and not being able to look at them, or having a collection of the most beautiful music that you couldn't hear. I don't know, maybe I'm wrong.) I just love to ride, I want to be better, more in tune with the horse, more instinctive,more able to feel, more able to teach him correctly, have so much knowledge that it's coming out of my ears, AND, be able to use it!

I never thought I would want to write a blog, it's not really me, but I'm finding that it makes me think more about what I'm doing, (is that a good thing??) and also thanks to my blog friends gives me support and a base for discussion.

I know that I'm leaning more toward the French camp, as opposed to the German camp as a way of training. (classical training not competition dressage, which is a constant source of despair for me (don't even go there or I'll never get off my soap box). Of course I'm generalising here as I don't have a massive knowledge base and I know that it is complicated but I want to ride with lightness or "légèrité" and, from what I do know, i'm interested in the methods of Baucher (second manner), Racinet, Philippe Karl, Anja Beran, Paul Belasik, I don't know enough about Nuno Oliveira and there are many others I don't know enough of, probably don't even know of!!

It feels to me that out of the massive library of knowledge and understanding out there, I've only only just started thumbing the pages of the first book.

It's hard to train a horse alone. I miss the comfort and support of having people around, to chat, bounce ideas around, most of all I miss "eyes on the ground"

Just read this back and I'm rambling so I need to collect my thoughts( if I can find them).